Hottie and the Nottie Smashes Box Office Records!*

"That's hot. That's not..."

Paris Hilton's latest box office smash The Hottie and the Nottie has grossed a massive $27,696 in its opening 3 days. $27,696 at 111 locations in its opening weekend.

$27,696.

That's $230 per theaters. $230 per theatre!! I think making the popcorn for that day probably cost more than $230. Based on an $8 average ticket price, 29 paying customers showed up at each location.

I think to save time I'll do my review now: It's shit.

The facts and figures

Tags: Paris Hilton | The Hottie and the Nottie | Unmitigated Disaster | Comedy

The Bucket List

"When he closed his eyes, his heart was opened..."

The Bucket List is the "heartwarming" tale of two elderly men, who on their deathbeds comprise a list of tasks they wish to accomplish before they kick the bucket - a "bucket list" if you will.

Starring the two Hollywood heaviweights Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman this movie was never in danger of being anything other than a box-office smash and it did not dissappoint in that respect when it was released in the US late last year. My main fear about this film is that people will see their names on the bill and think, "Two Great actors, it's got to be a great movie right?". Wrong. Both actors give convincing performances as old men, but to be fair, that was hardly a challenge for either of them. It's akin to asking Lindsay Lohan to play a vapid, drunken slut. She'd probably get an Oscar.

The Bucket List sees us watching old men driving vintage cars round a racetrack, jumping out of planes, and going skydiving, among other things. These tasks inject a touch of comedy into proceedings, but not much. There are more serious and heartfelt tasks the men attempt, but these aren't till the end of the movie.

Thankfully, this is one movie where the tagline gives you fair warning. The problem for me in this movie is that it's just not my cup of tea. I can see it is a decent movie that will be loved by many over the age of 50 and has some very touching moments, but it suffers from the fact that it is released amongst some absolutely amazing movies (No Country For Old Men, There Will Be Blood etc.) Way too much sentimental shmultz for my taste. The ending is sad, so sensitive types will want to take a Kleenex but it did nothing for me and will not stay in my head like many other films I've seen this year. Buy it on DVD for your grandparents and they'll love you forever.

Well, until they die obviously.

5/10

The Bucket List is released Friday 15 February 2008 in the UK. Avoid it at all costs.

Tags: The Bucket List | Cancer | Old Men | Friendship

Juno Movie Review

"A comedy about growing up...and the bumps along the way."

Aware as I am that this movie has been out in the UK for a while, I still think if I've taken the time out of my busy schedule to watch it, I might as well review it. Juno is a quirky film about a 16 year old girl Juno MacGuff who unexpectedly falls pregnant. She eventually decides to give up the baby to an adoptive couple and the story progresses as things start to unravel. The film earned notoriety pre-release because it's screenplay is the brainchild of a stripper/first-time film-writer.

First and foremost I have to acknowledge the performance of Ellen Page for her excellent portrayal of Juno. Even though Page is not called upon to show huge emotional range over the course of the film, she fills out the character of Juno with a real truth and you can imagine Juno as a real person. The rest of the cast including Jennifer Garner and Jason Batemen give solid performances as well, but Miss Page really shines. My only slight gripe is that Michael Cera yet again gives the EXACT SAME Arrested Development/Superbad awkward male teen performance he always gives. I love Michael Cera and I don't dispute he plays the role exceptionally well, but I must admit it's getting a little tiresome seeing him play the same character over and over. Especially this time without the funny lines.

For me this was a good solid feel good film. From the opening credits this flick has Indie written all over it. Juno is fairly unique in terms of style and this gives it a fresh feel when placed next to the typical lazy Hollywood Rom-com we're usually fed. Special mention must be made for the film's soundtrack. While I would not go as far as to say it is exactly to my personal taste, it matches this film to a T. Totally spot on for this movie It is a perfect example of how the correct marriage of music and film can work beautifully.

After hearing all the critical acclaim, for me this film is just a touch overrated. No argument when it comes to Performance by an Actreess in a Leading Roles, but the Oscar nods for Best Film and Original Screenplay are a bit of a stretch. For the first half of the film, the dialogue of every teenager simply isn't believable in the slightest. In my opinion Juno uses way too much witty incisive adult language for her age and it breaks the illusion of reality.

"I'm telling you I'm pregnant and you're acting shockingly cavalier..." and "Yes, hello, I need to procure a hasty abortion...I’m sorry, I’m on my hamburger phone and it’s kind of awkward to talk on. It’s really more of a novelty than a functional appliance..." While they are delicious lines, they're totally unrealistic out of a 16 yr olds mouth. Also, calling this a comedy is also a but much. I chuckled maybe twice, but never laughed out loud. Criticisms aside, I really enjoyed this intelligent "comedy" and I definitely think that if you like your movies quirky with razor-sharp dialogue you'll love this.

8/10

Tags: Juno | Teenage Pregnancy | Dark Comedy | Ellen Page

Cloverfield Movie Review

"Some Thing has found us..."

One of the most hyped films in recent history finally made it's debut 10 days ago and broke box office records. If certain reviews are to believe, it has redefined the monster thriller genre, not least due to the uniqueness of filming. The entire <> mins are shot on a standard run-of-the-mill handheld digital camera à la Blair Witch. What began as a low budget, potential indie cult classic evolved into an internet phenonomenon. Largely through the encylopedia sized backstory divulged through alternative reality games, where clues are scattered online and in actual real life locations.

Much of the fuel for hype came from the fact that Cloverfield was produced by a certain JJ Abrams, one of the hottest properties in Hollywood right now. Currently well known for his TV production on hit shows like Felicity, Alias, and the epic mystery-fest that is Lost, he also has pedigree in movies as a writer on Armegeddon and Mission Impossible III. Like Lost, the entire Cloverfield project was cloaked in secrecy. The film technically didn't have a name during production, cryptically assuming a variety of fake working titles that changed fairly regularly. Casting involved making actors read from scripts not of the movie, but from random tv shows and films. Scripts were watermarked, and pages were added and changed each day on set.

Here's the premise. On the eve of his departure for a new job in Japan, Rob (Michael Stahl-David) is thrown a surprise going-away party. Things take an unexpected turn when an apperant earthquake hits. The crowd watch news reports of an earthquake, then rush to the roof to assess the damage. A fireball explodes on the distant horizon and flaming debree begins to rain down on the roof. Confusion gives way to panic as the partygoers stumble through the blackout and into the streets. Amid the human screams and one inhuman roar, Rob and his friends and plonked right in the middle of a nightmare situation. Through the eyes of Hud (TJ Miller) we follow Rob and his crew as they embark on their nightmare rescue mission.

The decision to use actors who were all complete unknowns was a great one. It adds to the hyper-realism of the film and helps you forget that this is a movie and not a home video. Cloverfield is extremely clever in what you see and what you don't see and everything important is shown clearly without wrecking the sense that this is amatuer footage. And it's not just non-stop action. The makers do well to intertwine monsterous events with the home video the Hud accidently records over. Not only a novel way of revealing character backstory, it also allows for breathers from the action, which is frenetic at times to say the least. The set pieces are superb, in particular, a scene in the subway tunnel is absolutely incredible and stands out as pure action movie gold.

Cloverfield is certainly unique. Something that needs to be classed as an experience rather than simply a monster movie. The use of a handycam is an absolute stroke of genius, putting you right in the heart of the action. Although the constant shaking can be a little disconcerting, if you make it through the first 30 or so minutes without puking up you'll be alright. Another thing I loved was that interaction with the monster is not fleeting. We're given full on views more than once in the film. Add to the fact that Cloverfield clocks in at less than an hour and a half shows that the film is self-aware; it knows it's an action film not an Oscar hopefull. A super fun roller coaster ride, not a self-indulgent bum-number. This is an instant classic which leaves the door open for a potential sequel. I can't wait.

8/10

Cloverfield is released Friday 1 February 2008 in the UK

Tags: Cloverfield | J.J. Abrams | Monster Movie | New York

No Country For Old Men Movie Review

"There are no clean getaways..."

No Country for Old Men is an atmospheric thriller from the Coen Brothers, who previously directed, wrote, and produced Fargo, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, and The Big Lebowski. This film closed off 2007 to great critical acclaim in the US, picking up 2 Golden Globes (from 4 nominations). It will surely make the Oscar shortlist for Best Motion Picture I have no doubt about that.

No Country tells the story of Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin) who, out hunting, stumbles upon a scene of dead bodies, guns, and drugs on the Mexican border. He finds $2 million cash and plans to begin a new life. If only. Unfortunately for him psychopathic hitman Anton Chigurh (Javier Bordem) is after him. The chase turns out to one of the best I can remember.

There is so much about this film that is just fantastic cinema. The settings and landscapes in the movie are dazzling and Roger Deakins can take credit for some breathtaking cinematography. The performances from the leads are superb, giving depth to rich characters whose flaws are unveiled over the film's duration. Brolin and Lee Jones expertly display their talents, but the performance of Javier Bordem as the hitman Chigurh is extraordinary. Quite possibly the most chilling portrayal of relentless, unnegotiable evil I have ever witnessed. I got a spine-tingling nervousness whenever he was on screen. While this is a particularly brutal and violent film the Coen Brothers never go overboard with gore, and the excellent interchange between explicit and implicit violence leaves you continually gripped, never knowing what you will be shown next.

Additionally, the use of sound in this film is magnificent. There is hardly any music in this film whatsoever. There are a multitude of scenes where the deliberate sparcity of sound crafts incredible suspense. Any filmmaker looking to be educated on the art of creating tension need look no further. The supremely powerful scene in which Moss and Chigurh are in the same motel, separated by a wall is honestly one of the most intense I have ever experienced in film.

All that said, this had a few niggling problems. At times I found it hard to understand a fair amount of dialogue due to the strong Texan accents. This really bothered me. Secondly, I felt the storyline would have been enhanced immensely had Tommy Lee Jones's character Sheriff Ed Tom Bell played a bigger role. However, the most significant flaw was the ending. I felt it was a massive anti-climax, especially considering all that had preceded it. I couldn't help walking away feeling slightly disappointed. It felt to me like a missed opportunity. While not a tremendous blight on the movie, for me the ending really didn't work and spoilt a potential masterpiece.

Overall, I am delighted I saw this film first in the theatre and not on DVD because the unexpected thills are truly shocking and really need a cinema to do them true justice. This will be one of the greatest cinematic experiences of 2008 and with a stronger ending, would have been an instant classic as apposed to a very, very good film. This is so close to being a 9 it hurts.

8/10

Tags: No Country For Old Men | Javier Bardem | Josh Brolin | Tommy Lee Jones

Walk Hard Movie Review

"Life made him tough. Love made him strong. Music made him hard..."

From the creative mind behind some of the most acclaimed comedies of recent times comes Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. With 40 Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Superbad on his CV, Judd Apatow is one of Hollywood's Hottest Producer/Writer/Directors. Having seen and enjoyed those previous works, I was expecting great things. Dewey Cox didn't dissapoint.

This movie takes a different direction to Apatow's previous films. While 40 Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up were "adult" comedies that surprised many with their sensitivity and pathos, Walk Hard immediately asserts itself as slapstick comedy and is more akin to Anchorman than any of The 'Tow's aforementioned flicks.

The film charts the extraordinary life of simple country boy Dewey Cox, who after a tragic machete accident goes on to become a music legend. In a nod to Forrest Gump, Cox apparently seems to have single-handedly created most of the popular music genres of the 50s, 60s & 70s. We watch our protagonist battle the temptation of drugs and women as he crosses paths with Buddy Holly, Elvis Presley, and The Beatles.

You may have guessed from the title that this is not a subtle, layered comedy. Walk Hard is essentially a 90 minute sktech show and is laden with catchphrases, stereotypes, and running jokes. While that may sound terrible, the film does well not to fall into tedium. The first 10/15 minutes are priceless, and set the tone for the rest of the film. Although the gags are hit and miss, they're funny more times than they not. A geniunely hilarious scene with Jack Black, Paul Rudd, Justin Long, and Jason Schwartzman as The Beatles is a highlight.

While this wasn't the funniest film I've seen and never made me laugh out loud, I thoroughly enjoyed it. It especially liked the fact that Walk Hard did not drag on since EVERY film in 2007, good, bad, or indifferent, ran for 20 minutes too long. If you're a fan of comedies Walk Hard is well worth a trip to the cinema and is released in the UK January 18.

7/10

Tags: Walk Hard | Judd Apatow | Film Reviews | Comedy